Don't Try This, Don't Go To Strip Clubs Alone

Once upon a Time at a Strip Club that’s changed it’s name. . . . . .

Current mood:fermented

     So I read a blog this morning by "Leggy Brunette" about her husband going to a strip club with his bud. . . . .so I sort of involuntarily went over my strip club stories in my mind, and realized that the one in which I get "slipped a Mikky" and robbed as probably the best one to share.  Like I told occifer Sinclair in the Kaufman Pd, "I'm a public service kind of guy."

     DONT DO THIS AT HOME:

      Well, unless you've got a strip club at home. . . . . . .

     I drove, and I either had three, or four of the "fellas" riding with me, and we went to what was once known as "Baby G's," I was young, and unfamiliar with strip club etiquette, so when I flagged this leggy African Queen down for a table dance I didn't understand(and wasn't asked to sign a waiver!) the proper procedures for such transactions. . . . . .I understood the fee for a lap dance, but I didn't understand that if I just let her continue on grinding on me that I would owe her the same fee for however many songs played until she started to want her money. . . . . . .

     Obviously, I didn't pay her more than the fee for the one song that I agreed to pay her for a crotch grind throughout it's duration, and hopefully forever. . . .hell, I'm not sure if I even paid her for that one after the fuss, and the abrupt departure of me and the gang. . . . . .

    Nevermind the fact that I got so ramped up on sex that I visited TWICE one of my favorite massage girls later in the night-that's just the kind of relationship that me and Dallas, Texas have.

     So anyways, a bit later in the fall I found myself droogless, and "all dressed up with nowhere to go;" so I returned to the same place alone.  I thought that after ordering that third beer that I saw the African Queen staring at me rather harshly in the distance, but I wasn't sure.  I never finished that drink-three beers could never knock me out, but something sure as shit wasn't right.  Luckily I made it outside to my ride. . . . . .

    And sometime later I awoke, but only because it was about twenty degrees outside and my window was broken, my wallet was gone, as were the checkbook, and the college textbooks. .  . . . . . . . .

     I was so confused that I flagged down a cop(seriously!) and told them that I'd been robbed.  The guy shinned a light in my eyes, saw that I wasn't drunk from alcohol-took down my number, and sent me on my way. . . . . .When I got back to Kaufman I ran over a curb in town, and was pulled over. . . . . ."Look fool, I just got released from the Dallas Pd, it's easy to see that I was robbed tonight," I told the rookie, "Oh!" he said, "You'd best go home then."  

    The next day as I was getting somewhat depressed for my plight  and I recieved a call from an investigator at the Dallas Pd, "Well Mr. Shaw, do three beers typically do that to you???"

"NO, I replied," still being somewhat confused. . . . .the guy was truly disgusted with me for not having connected so obvious a group of dots yet. . . .